[after Roxanne shows up naked outside the firehouse]
Trent: Who's at the door?
C.D. Bales: Someone locked out of their house.
Andy: Need any help, chief?
C.D. Bales: Nah, it looks pretty boring, I'll handle it.

[C.D is helping Roxanne move her extremely heavy telescope up a huge flight of stairs at the back of her house] You know, my aunt once knitted one of these, it was a lot lighter.

C.D. Bales

[last lines]
Roxanne Kowalski: By the way, I named the comet.
C.D. Bales: Oh yeah, oh yeah, good ol' Comet Kowalski.
Roxanne Kowalski: No, Comet Charlie.
C.D. Bales: Oh, hey... that's nice.
Roxanne Kowalski: Yeah, it's my dad's name.
C.D. Bales: Oh... oh. Well, he'll be so happy.

Well, if I do change my mind, you'll know because my breasts will be heaving and moist with perspiration.

Roxanne Kowalski

[C.D. is helping Chris with his first letter to Roxanne]
C.D. Bales: Let's take a look at that letter...
Chris McConnell: I think it's really good!
C.D. Bales: "Dear Roxanne, how's it going? Want to have a drink sometime? If you do, check this box."

Jim: Heard you're tough.
C.D. Bales: I am. But if you used a little tenderizer, I might cook up pretty good.

Drunk and tone-deaf. Never a good combination.

Tony

Jake Hardin: [sees Ashley put in one side of the light bulb] Oh see. She should've turned the light off because now she's going to be...
Ashley Albright: [light sparks] AAAAAAAAAA!
Jake Hardin: ...electrocuted.

You're firing me, you don't even pay me!

Jake Hardin

Ashley Albright: Jake is the guy I kissed at the masquerade bash.
Dana: No!
Ashley Albright: Yes.
Dana: No!
Ashley Albright: Yes!

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