Sandy: He's got a great ass.
Roxanne Kowalski: Too bad it's on his shoulders.

Dixie: Want anything? A drink?
C.D. Bales: Yeah, but if I ask for another one, give it to me.

That's our new computer. We can pinpoint any fire in town with that. It's perfect for us, because, you know, we're the fire department.

Andy

[unable to sip from a narrow-mouthed wineglass, C.D. sticks his nose into the glass and snorts it]
C.D. Bales: Party trick. Ah, well, a nose by any other name...
Roxanne Kowalski: Would smell as sweet.

Dixie: Hey, what about your boyfriend? What was his name?
Roxanne Kowalski: Richard.
Dixie: When's he coming?
Roxanne Kowalski: He's not. He's not coming.
Dixie: What happened?
Roxanne Kowalski: We just ran out of gas. I guess I mistook sex for love.
Sandy: Oh, I did that once. It was great.

Chris McConnell: What am I afraid of her for? She's no rocket scientist.
C.D. Bales: Well, actually, she is a rocket scientist.

[looking at a photograph] She looks like my third grade teacher, and I hated my third grade teacher... wait a minute, she IS my third grade teacher!

Sam Baldwin

Annie: I don't deserve you.
Walter: Well, I wouldn't put it that way, but... okay.

Anybody see 'Battle of the 80's has-beens' last night? That Debbie Gibson can take a punch.

Alex Fletcher

Lisa Houseman: God, I'm so sick of this rain. Remind me never to take my honeymoon at Niagara Falls.
Marjorie Houseman: So, you go to Acapulco.

So, how's my butt?

Sam Baldwin

Sam Baldwin: Didn't you see Fatal Attraction?
Jonah Baldwin: You wouldn't let me!
Sam Baldwin: Well I saw it and it scared the shit out of me. It scared the shit out of every man in America.

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