[after Roxanne shows up naked outside the firehouse]
Trent: Who's at the door?
C.D. Bales: Someone locked out of their house.
Andy: Need any help, chief?
C.D. Bales: Nah, it looks pretty boring, I'll handle it.

So, how's my butt?

Sam Baldwin

[last lines]
Roxanne Kowalski: By the way, I named the comet.
C.D. Bales: Oh yeah, oh yeah, good ol' Comet Kowalski.
Roxanne Kowalski: No, Comet Charlie.
C.D. Bales: Oh, hey... that's nice.
Roxanne Kowalski: Yeah, it's my dad's name.
C.D. Bales: Oh... oh. Well, he'll be so happy.

Well, if I do change my mind, you'll know because my breasts will be heaving and moist with perspiration.

Roxanne Kowalski

[C.D. is helping Chris with his first letter to Roxanne]
C.D. Bales: Let's take a look at that letter...
Chris McConnell: I think it's really good!
C.D. Bales: "Dear Roxanne, how's it going? Want to have a drink sometime? If you do, check this box."

Jim: Heard you're tough.
C.D. Bales: I am. But if you used a little tenderizer, I might cook up pretty good.

Roxanne Kowalski: So why did you say those things?
C.D. Bales: Tell her you were afraid.
Chris McConnell: Because I was afraid.
Roxanne Kowalski: Of me? Afraid of what?
C.D. Bales: Tell her you were afraid of words.
Chris McConnell: What?
C.D. Bales: Words.
Chris McConnell: Because I was afraid of worms, Roxanne! Worms!

Jake Hardin: [sees Ashley put in one side of the light bulb] Oh see. She should've turned the light off because now she's going to be...
Ashley Albright: [light sparks] AAAAAAAAAA!
Jake Hardin: ...electrocuted.

You're firing me, you don't even pay me!

Jake Hardin

Ashley Albright: Jake is the guy I kissed at the masquerade bash.
Dana: No!
Ashley Albright: Yes.
Dana: No!
Ashley Albright: Yes!

C.D. Bales: Do you know the phrase carpe diem?
Chris McConnell: It's, it's fish, fish bait, right?

Sam Baldwin: Didn't you see Fatal Attraction?
Jonah Baldwin: You wouldn't let me!
Sam Baldwin: Well I saw it and it scared the shit out of me. It scared the shit out of every man in America.

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