Sam Baldwin: I'll tell you what I'm doing this weekend, I'm getting laid. It's the 1990's and nobody's getting laid. I'm the only man in America who's getting laid this weekend and I haven't been laid that much. Six girls in college, maybe seven.
[sees Jonah standing in the doorway]
Sam Baldwin: How long have you been standing there?
Jonah Baldwin: Forever.
Sam Baldwin: What did you just hear me say?
Jonah Baldwin: Six girls in college, maybe seven.
Sam Baldwin: Seven... EIGHT! Mary Kelly.

You know, I never told you this, but they based a movie on my family. Seriously. Titanic. They changed it a little. There's not boat, nothing sank. But I did pose naked for a portrait once.

Jeff

All women become like their mothers; that is their tragedy. No man does; that's his.

Aunt Mitzi

Holly Kennedy: What if this is it, Gerry? What if this is all there is to our life? You have to have a plan. Why do I have to be the responsible grown up who worries? Why can't I be the cute, carefree Irish guy who sings all the time?
Gerry Kennedy: Because you can't sing without making dogs bark?

Holly Kennedy: What do you think?
Daniel Connelly: I think you're hot!
Holly Kennedy: [gasps]
Daniel Connelly: Sorry, I have a syndrome.

Denise Hennessey: Are you single?
Guy with Clipboard: Yes.
Denise Hennessey: Are you gay?
Guy with Clipboard: Yes.
[Denise walks away]
Denise Hennessey: [a few frames later] Are you single?
Ted: Yes.
Denise Hennessey: Are you gay?
Ted: No.
Denise Hennessey: Are you working?
Ted: No.

Daniel Connelly: What do women want?
Holly Kennedy: [whispering] We have no idea what we want.
Daniel Connelly: I knew it!

[knowing that Holly is angry with him] Are you going to make me sleep in the tub again?

Gerry Kennedy

Sam, It's nice to meet you.

Annie Reed

I have great insight. I'd use it on myself only I don't have any problems.

Alex Fletcher

Lisa Houseman: Oh, my God. Look at that! Ma, I should have brought my coral shoes. You said I was taking too much!
Marjorie Houseman: Well, sweetheart, you brought ten pairs.
Lisa Houseman: But the coral shoes match that dress!
Jake Houseman: This is not a tragedy. A tragedy is three men trapped in a mine, or police dogs used in Birmingham.
Baby: Monks burning themselves in protest.
Lisa Houseman: Butt out, Baby.

Dennis Reed: It rains nine months a year in Seattle.
Annie Reed: I know!

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