Tess Finnegan: [as they sit in an airplane] We're flying! How do you know how to do this?
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: Playstation!
Tess Finnegan: Oh god.

Frat boy #1: [during a struggle with an old sword] When was that last time you had this thing sharpened?
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: [gasping] 1750.

Come on, Tess. You're not going hit me.

Ben 'Finn' Finnegan

Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: If we don't go after that treasure, it's going to haunt us for the rest of our lives and you know it. You really think I'd lie about something liek this?
Tess Finnegan: Why not? You're liar.
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: This is such an inappropriate time to dwell on that!

Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: We found something. I mean we found something!
[pull out a barrel from a hole dug]
Tess Finnegan: What if it's a body?
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: Well he was a midget, with very cheap relatives.
Tess Finnegan: What if it's a head?
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: [pauses and turns around] Do you mind?

Tess Finnegan: [together with Finn in an underground room] Don't even think about it.
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: What?
Tess Finnegan: Don't what me. You know what.

We just had sex in a church! I can't believe we haven't been struck buy lightening yet!

Tess Finnegan

[to Tess while waiting on Finn] Your married a guy for sex and then expected him to be smart.

Tess's Laywer

Will Hayes: I had two serious girlfriends... and then some other smattering of other women.
Maya Hayes: What's the boy word for 'slut'?
Will Hayes: They still haven't come up with one yet.

Jeff: [to Sarah in the elevator, after she has apologized] If we have a daughter, Beau Burroughs doesn't come within a thousend miles of her.
Sarah: It stops with me!

Like, do blondes, like, do they really have more fun?


Katharine: [in the bathroom, after the door hits him Jeff in the face] Jeff...
Jeff: Yeah?
Katharine: Go play with your dick.

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