Tess Finnegan: [as they sit in an airplane] We're flying! How do you know how to do this?
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: Playstation!
Tess Finnegan: Oh god.

Frat boy #1: [during a struggle with an old sword] When was that last time you had this thing sharpened?
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: [gasping] 1750.

Come on, Tess. You're not going hit me.

Ben 'Finn' Finnegan

Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: If we don't go after that treasure, it's going to haunt us for the rest of our lives and you know it. You really think I'd lie about something liek this?
Tess Finnegan: Why not? You're liar.
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: This is such an inappropriate time to dwell on that!

Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: We found something. I mean we found something!
[pull out a barrel from a hole dug]
Tess Finnegan: What if it's a body?
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: Well he was a midget, with very cheap relatives.
Tess Finnegan: What if it's a head?
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: [pauses and turns around] Do you mind?

Tess Finnegan: [together with Finn in an underground room] Don't even think about it.
Ben 'Finn' Finnegan: What?
Tess Finnegan: Don't what me. You know what.

We just had sex in a church! I can't believe we haven't been struck buy lightening yet!

Tess Finnegan

[to Tess while waiting on Finn] Your married a guy for sex and then expected him to be smart.

Tess's Laywer

Will Hayes: I had two serious girlfriends... and then some other smattering of other women.
Maya Hayes: What's the boy word for 'slut'?
Will Hayes: They still haven't come up with one yet.

Maya Hayes: What's a threesome?
Will Hayes: It's a game, that adults play sometimes... When they're bored.
Maya Hayes: ...Whatever.

Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.

Dennis Reed

The few syllables you got out were absolutely devastating.

Alex Fletcher

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