You married your *cousin*?

Andrew

Well, you must be Jake's hot date. I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty Yankee bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce.

Melanie Carmichael

The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back.

Melanie Carmichael

You can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can't take the honky tonk out of the girl.

Bobby Ray

Mayor Kate Hennings: Why don't you go back to your double-wide and fry something.
Melanie Carmichael: ["decks" Kate] Nobody talks to my Momma like that!
Earl Smooter: Praise the Lord, the South has risen again!

Stella: You know for someone whose been holding onto something for so long, you're pretty quick to let it go.
Jake: I can't control her, any more than I can control the weather.

The only reason I ain't signing is cause you've turned into some hoity-toity Yankee bitch, and I'd like nothing better right now than to piss you off.

Jake

Jake: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you?
Melanie Carmichael: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.
Jake: You're shittin' me, right?
Melanie Carmichael: I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not "shitting" you.

Melanie Carmichael: [of Bryant the dog] Can he swim?
Jake: Doesn't look like it.

Young Melanie: What do you want to be married to me for, anyhow?
Young Jake: So I can kiss you anytime I want.
[they kiss, and lightening strikes]

You can't ride two horses with one ass, sugarbean.

Earl Smooter

You dumb stubborn redneck hick.

Melanie Carmichael

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