(Said to Adam): Don't screw it up. Ten years from now you're going to be having sex with your wife and it's going to be in the missionary position and one of you is going to be asleep.

Adam: Cheers. (Taps date's wine glass)
Lucy: Oh thank you.
Adam and Lucy (Go to kiss, bangs head together instead): Oww.
Lucy: I'm so sorry. That was such a fail on my part. Wait, can we, I can do better than that, can we try again?
Adam: Sure. Mulligan. Let's, why don't we... (sit down on couch and start making out)
Lucy: Oh my god, this is happening, this is really happening, you're touching me...
Adam: Maybe we don't need to talk about everything.

Rachel: This is my best friend Dacry, Darcy this is Dex.
Darcy: I know, you are talking about him for nine months.
Darcy: Ask Rachel out on a date.
Rachel: Darcy, we're just friends.
Darcy: Well then, ask me out.

(Darcy about to cry...)
Bridal shop lady: She's having her bridal moment...
Darcy: No, i'm fine. I wanna cry on the day so I wanna check my mascaras to make sure it doesn't run..

Dex: Let's get one more drink.
Rachel: You don't want to.
Dex: I want to.

(to Dex and Rachel) If people fall in love based on similarity, then two of you would be a couple.

Darcy

Let's go honey. Nobody wins when pregnant women fight.

Griffin

New Year's is the worst night of all to go out. People who don't drink or party all year suddenly going all Kanye on you...

Randy

Tess: My water just broke!
Griffin: All of it?

If you're here, who's singing in Times Square?

Laura

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