Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.

General Jack D. Ripper

General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, no, I can't say I have.

Do I look all rancid and clotted? You look at me, Jack. Eh? Look, eh? And I drink a lot of water, you know. I'm what you might call a water man, Jack - that's what I am. And I can swear to you, my boy, swear to you, that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids. Not a thing, Jackie.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake

President Merkin Muffley: How is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically and at the same time impossible to untrigger?
Dr. Strangelove: Mr. President, it is not only possible, it is essential. That is the whole idea of this machine, you know. Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy... the FEAR to attack. And so, because of the automated and irrevocable decision-making process which rules out human meddling, the Doomsday machine is terrifying and simple to understand... and completely credible and convincing.

Chef: Why do all you guys sit on your helmets? Soldier: So we don't get our balls blown off.

[voiceover] The horror... the horror...

Kurtz

We must kill them. We must incinerate them. Pig after pig... cow after cow... village after village... army after army...

Kurtz

What are they gonna say about him? What are they gonna say? That he was a kind man? That he was a wise man? That he had plans, man? That he had wisdom? Bullshit, man!

Photojournalist

[voice-over] I was going to the worst place in the world and I didn't even know it yet. Weeks away and hundreds of miles up a river that snaked through the war like a main circuit cable plugged straight into Kurtz. It was no accident that I got to be the caretaker of Colonel Walter E. Kurtz's memory any more than being back in Saigon was an accident. There is no way to tell his story without telling my own. And if his story really is a confession, then so is mine.

Willard

What do you call it when the assassins accuse the assassin? A lie. A lie and we have to be merciful.

Kurtz

Disneyland? Fuck, man, this is better than Disneyland!

Lance

You can either surf, or you can fight!

Kilgore

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