[playing his role as a black slaver to the hilt] You niggas gon' understand something about me! I'm worse than any of these white men here! You get the molasses out your ass, and you keep your goddamn eyeballs off me!

Django

Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse.

Edward

George Stark: You're late!
Albert: For what?
George Stark: Fair enough.

Edward: This is my first vagina.
Ruth: You've never seen one!
Edward: No I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something.
Edward: it's uhh it's it's that, right?
Ruth: Oh yeah, it's this, its like from here to here.
Edward: Oh.
Ruth: But this is just the outside, there's these folds.
Edward: Okay, i'm gonna close the bible now.

[after shooting someone] people die at the fair.

Gunman at Fair in Final Scene

Clinch: Where did you learn to shoot?
Albert: Your wife.
Edward: Oh, snap!

My worst fear is to OD on a recreational drug.

Albert

Where are all the white women at?

Gunman at Fair in Final Scene

You know what else can kill you? Doctors!

Albert

Ned Logan: You were crazy, Will.
Will Munny: Yeah, no one liked me. Mountain boys all thought I was gonna shoot 'em out of pure meanness.
Ned Logan: Well, like I said, you ain't like that no more.
Will Munny: That's right. I'm just a fella now. I ain't no different than anyone else no more.

Gordon, when you tell this story to your grandkids, you be sure to leave this part out.

Capt. James West

Ned Logan: Hell, Will. We ain't bad men no more. Shit, we're farmers.
Will Munny: Should be easy killing them, supposing they don't go on down to Texas first.
Ned Logan: How long has it been since you fired a gun at a man, Will? Nine, ten years?
Will Munny: Eleven.
Ned Logan: Easy, huh? Hell, I don't know that it was all that easy even back then. And we was young and full of beans. I mean, if you was mad at 'em, Will, I mean. If they'd done you some wrong, I could see shooting 'em.
Will Munny: We done stuff for money before, Ned.
Ned Logan: Yeah, we thought we did. All right, so what did these fellas do? Cheat at cards? Steal some strays? Spit on a rich fella? What?
Will Munny: No, they cut up a woman.
Ned Logan: What?
Will Munny: Yeah, they cut up her face, cut her eyes out, cut her fingers off, cut her tits, everything but her cunty, I suppose.
Ned Logan: I'll be dogg - Golly, I guess they got it comin'. 'Course, you know, Will, if Claudia was alive you wouldn't be doin' this.

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