You know what else can kill you? Doctors!


Ned Logan: You were crazy, Will.
Will Munny: Yeah, no one liked me. Mountain boys all thought I was gonna shoot 'em out of pure meanness.
Ned Logan: Well, like I said, you ain't like that no more.
Will Munny: That's right. I'm just a fella now. I ain't no different than anyone else no more.

Gordon, when you tell this story to your grandkids, you be sure to leave this part out.

Capt. James West

Ned Logan: Hell, Will. We ain't bad men no more. Shit, we're farmers.
Will Munny: Should be easy killing them, supposing they don't go on down to Texas first.
Ned Logan: How long has it been since you fired a gun at a man, Will? Nine, ten years?
Will Munny: Eleven.
Ned Logan: Easy, huh? Hell, I don't know that it was all that easy even back then. And we was young and full of beans. I mean, if you was mad at 'em, Will, I mean. If they'd done you some wrong, I could see shooting 'em.
Will Munny: We done stuff for money before, Ned.
Ned Logan: Yeah, we thought we did. All right, so what did these fellas do? Cheat at cards? Steal some strays? Spit on a rich fella? What?
Will Munny: No, they cut up a woman.
Ned Logan: What?
Will Munny: Yeah, they cut up her face, cut her eyes out, cut her fingers off, cut her tits, everything but her cunty, I suppose.
Ned Logan: I'll be dogg - Golly, I guess they got it comin'. 'Course, you know, Will, if Claudia was alive you wouldn't be doin' this.

Look son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shootin' back at you.

Little Bill Daggett

Will Munny: You, fat man. Speak up.
Skinny Dubois: Uh, I... I own this establishment. I bought the place from Greeley for a thousand dollars.
[Will levels the shotgun, and speaks to someone standing behind Skinny]
Will Munny: You better clear outta there.
Man: Yes, sir.

Little Bill Daggett: Well, sir, you are a cowardly son of a bitch! You just shot an unarmed man!
Will Munny: Well, he should have armed himself if he's going to decorate his saloon with my friend.

Little Bill Daggett: You'd be William Munny out of Missouri. Killer of women and children.
Will Munny: That's right. I've killed women and children. I've killed just about everything that walks or crawled at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you did to Ned.

All right, gentlemen. He's got one barrel left. When he fires that, take out your pistols, and shoot him down like the mangy scoundrel he is!

Little Bill Daggett

Bob walked right into the bar and shot at Corky, only he misses, 'cause he was so damn drunk he couldn't see straight. Old Corky went for his gun and got in such a hurry that he shot his own toe off. Bob shot at Corky again, and he misses again, because he's still so damn drunk. He hits this thousand-dollar mirror over the bar. And now, the Duck of Death is as good as dead. Because this time, Corky does it right. He takes careful aim, slowly squeezes the trigger, and... BAM! That Walker Colt he was carrying blew up in his hand, a failing common to that model. See, what I'm trying to tell you is if Corky really had two guns instead of a big dick, he'd be alive today.

Little Bill Daggett

Delilah Fitzgerald: Are you still goin' to kill those men?
Will Munny: I reckon so. The money's still available, ain't it?
Delilah Fitzgerald: Yeah. Your two friends have been taking advances on the money.
Will Munny: What?
Delilah Fitzgerald: You know, free ones.

[discussing the assassination of President Garfield] If you were to try to assassination a king, sir, the... how shall I say it? The aura of royalty would cause you to miss. But, the president... I mean, why not shoot the president?

English Bob

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