I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of ... masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud ... I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake like 5-6 times a day.

Jim's Dad

Unrated

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Movie:
American Pie
Genre:
Comedy
Franchise:
American Pie Movies
Character:
Jim's Dad
Related Quotes:
American Pie Quotes, Comedy Quotes, American Pie Movies Quotes, Jim's Dad Quotes
Added:

American Pie Quotes

Michelle: What's my name? Say my name, bitch!
Jim: Michelle! Michelle.

Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful.
College Girl: What did you just say?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful!
College Girl: [laughs]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Friends call me Nova. As in Casanova.
College Girl: That's pathetic!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Jeez, you don't have to laugh at me.