Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse.

Edward

George Stark: You're late!
Albert: For what?
George Stark: Fair enough.

Edward: This is my first vagina.
Ruth: You've never seen one!
Edward: No I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something.
Edward: it's uhh it's it's that, right?
Ruth: Oh yeah, it's this, its like from here to here.
Edward: Oh.
Ruth: But this is just the outside, there's these folds.
Edward: Okay, i'm gonna close the bible now.

[after shooting someone] people die at the fair.

Gunman at Fair in Final Scene

Clinch: Where did you learn to shoot?
Albert: Your wife.
Edward: Oh, snap!

My worst fear is to OD on a recreational drug.

Albert

Where are all the white women at?

Gunman at Fair in Final Scene

I'm not the hero. I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt; that's who I am.

Albert

You know what else can kill you? Doctors!

Albert
A Million Ways to Die in the West is the latest from Ted creator Seth MacFarlane.

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A Million Ways to Die in the West Quotes

I'm not the hero. I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt; that's who I am.

Albert

Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse.

Edward

A Million Ways to Die in the West Review

Seth MacFarlane had an out-of-nowhere hit with Ted a few years back and he followed that up with a Western comedy, A Million Ways to Die...

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