Kumar: Those kids put something in here.
Harold: Is it drugs? Is it semen?
Kumar: Doesn't taste like semen...

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I shot Santa Claus in the face. He's real, and I shot him in the face.

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Kumar: How are you still alive?
Neil Patrick Harris: What are you talking about?
Harold: We saw you get shot, remember?
Neil Patrick Harris: You have to be more specific...
Kumar: In that whore house?
Harold: In Texas?
Kumar: You branded a prostitute...
Harold: Remember?
Neil Patrick Harris: Oh yeah...

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I'll Skype you later, or text you later. Or both at the same time!

Todd

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Who are those guys?

Kid at Party

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Gracie: Get off of me! I thought you were gay!
Neil Patrick Harris: I am gay...gay for that!

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