There are a lot of things in my life that I thought were real and ended up being fake. Why can't the opposite be true?Monica
Listen guys, there are plenty of successful people who didn't go to college. Albert Einstein. You know? Pocahontas never went to college. Corey Feldman and Corey Haim; they had a great run. Both Lewis and Clark. Suzanne Somers. Bono.Bartleby Gaines
Let's start this fake college. Then, we'll go start a meth lab somewhere. It's a gateway crime. That's how these things start.Sherman Schrader
I don't want to be here alone when the walls start to bleed!Sherman Schrader
I'm going off the grid. No more Franchises, no more botox, no more "Hey, oh, lets clone another goat," and certainly no more sexual harassment lawsuits, what's wrong with saying "Hey, nice tits." When did that go out the window?Uncle Ben
Rejection. That's what makes a college great. The exclusivity of any university is judged primarily by the amount of students it rejects.Dean Van Horne
Bartleby: Oh yeah, Monica, this is Schrader.
Schrader: Oh yeah, I think we know each other. We were in math class together..I sat behind you, you know..all the way in back...yeah, I don't remember you either..
Bartleby: A bird in the hand, dude. A bird in the hands.
Schrader: That doesn't make any sense.
I hope you guys have hobo stab insurance.Sherman
This place is awesome, now I can finally get hepatitis.Sherman
Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, come on. Don't be scared.
Sherman Schrader: Scared? I'm not scared. You're scared.
Hands: Schrader, you were scared to try the new flavor of Dr. Pepper.
Sherman Schrader: I told you that in confidence Hands!
Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, you were afraid when you're tooth fell out because you were terrified of the Tooth Fairy.
Sherman Schrader: That's actually a legitimate fear. She was rifling through my shit.
Bartleby Gaines: Why'd you get fired?
Glen: I got fired for making a shrimp slushy.
Bartleby Gaines: That's disgusting! Why would you do that pal?
Glen: 'Cause I was hungry and thirsty!