Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, what about you?
Sherman Schrader: Well, B, I'm glad you asked actually, cuz since were going to prison, I wanna learn how to carve a shank out of my toothbrush.

Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, come on. Don't be scared.
Sherman Schrader: Scared? I'm not scared. You're scared.
Hands: Schrader, you were scared to try the new flavor of Dr. Pepper.
Sherman Schrader: I told you that in confidence Hands!
Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, you were afraid when you're tooth fell out because you were terrified of the Tooth Fairy.
Sherman Schrader: That's actually a legitimate fear. She was rifling through my shit.

This place is awesome, now I can finally get hepatitis.

Sherman

Bartleby: A bird in the hand, dude. A bird in the hands.
Schrader: That doesn't make any sense.

Bartleby: Oh yeah, Monica, this is Schrader.
Schrader: Oh yeah, I think we know each other. We were in math class together..I sat behind you, you know..all the way in back...yeah, I don't remember you either..

Rejection. That's what makes a college great. The exclusivity of any university is judged primarily by the amount of students it rejects.

Dean Van Horne

I don't want to be here alone when the walls start to bleed!

Sherman Schrader

Let's start this fake college. Then, we'll go start a meth lab somewhere. It's a gateway crime. That's how these things start.

Sherman Schrader

Listen guys, there are plenty of successful people who didn't go to college. Albert Einstein. You know? Pocahontas never went to college. Corey Feldman and Corey Haim; they had a great run. Both Lewis and Clark. Suzanne Somers. Bono.

Bartleby Gaines

Ask me about my wiener!

Sherman Schrader

There are a lot of things in my life that I thought were real and ended up being fake. Why can't the opposite be true?

Monica

Bartleby Gaines: You said you didn't wanna be a part of this thing.
Sherman Schrader: I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I wanted to be the fourth generation of Schrader to go to Harmon. But then I realized, I would much rather be the first generation of Schrader to go to the South Harmon Institute of Technology. I said it, okay? I said it.
Bartleby Gaines: So you're saying... you're saying you want to be a S.H.I.T. head?
Sherman Schrader: I'm saying I wanna be a S.H.I.T. head. I wanna be a S.H.I.T. head.

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Accepted Quotes

Bartleby Gaines: Why'd you get fired?
Glen: I got fired for making a shrimp slushy.
Bartleby Gaines: That's disgusting! Why would you do that pal?
Glen: 'Cause I was hungry and thirsty!

I'm going off the grid. No more Franchises, no more botox, no more "Hey, oh, lets clone another goat," and certainly no more sexual harassment lawsuits, what's wrong with saying "Hey, nice tits." When did that go out the window?

Uncle Ben