Favorite Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Quotes
Melissa: You know, you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger.
Ace Ventura: Oh yeah? And you're ugly.
Lois Einhorn: What would you know about pressure.
Ace Ventura: Well, I have kissed a man.
Melissa: Ace, Where are you?
Ace Ventura: I'm in Psychoville and Finkle's the Mayor.
For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!
Aguado: Homicide, Ventura. Now how ya gonna solve that one?
Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's DICK and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds... PORKIN' his wife.
Warning. Assholes are closer than they appear.
Lois Einhorn: Alright, Ventura. Make it quick.
Ace Ventura: I found a rare stone at the bottom of Snowflake's tank. It belonged to a 1984 AFC Championship ring. It would have been a Super Bowl ring, but Ray Finkle missed the big kick. Blames the whole thing on Marino. We're talking mental institute escapee. I saw the guy's room. Cozy if you're Hannibal Lecter!
Lois Einhorn: Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.
Lois Einhorn: Ventura, when I get out of that bathroom, you better be gone.
Ace Ventura: Is it number one or number two? I just want to know how much time I have.
Ace Ventura: This is double-paned sound-proof glass. There is no way that neighbor could've heard Roger Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut. The scream she heard came from inside the apartment before he was thrown over the balcony and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh? Huh? Huh?
[mimics Tangina character from Poltergeist movie]
Ace Ventura: I have exorcised the demons... this house is clear.
Ace Ventura: [bending over and talking from his behind] Excuse me. I'd like to "ass" you a few questions.
Emilio: Ace, this is not the time. If Einhorn comes down here and sees me talking to you or your ass, I'm history.
Ace Ventura: WOW., Ray Finkle's house, I can't wait to meet him
Mr. Finkle: Ray ain't coming home
Ace Ventura: But your wife said you expect him home any minute
Mr. Finkle: She expects him home any minute, see the engine's running but there's nobody behind the wheel. Eight years ago our son escaped from Shady Acres Mental Hospital in Tampa, and they're still bugging us to pick up his stuff.