Fulton Greenwall: WE can pay you handsomely.
Ace: I am now a child of light. Your earthly money holds no appeal to me.
Fulton Greenwall: Twenty thousand dollars.
Ace: Re-he-he-Really? No. I cannot. For I am sorely needed... here, at the ashram.
Ashram Monk: If I may interject! We're short of space, and it's important for you to use your talents. Let me help you pack.
Ace: But I am yet to attain omnipresent supergalactic oneness.
Ashram Monk: Wait! Here it is! You've just attained it.
Ace: I have?
Ashram Monk: Just now! You are one! I can see it in your eyes. You're more one than anyone!
Ace: What about my medallion of spiritual accomplishment?
Ashram Monk: Take mine!
Ace: Master. This took you eighty years to achieve!
Ashram Monk: That's okay. I don't like it anymore. Really.
Ace: In the light of this great personal sacrifice you've made, I have no choice... but to take the case.
Ashram Monk: Great! I'll go tell the others!
Ace: Master... break it to them gently.

The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.

Friends, rodents, quadrupeds, lend me your rears!

Ace: Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky and loaded with danger.

Guano bowls! Collect the whole set...

Ace: Just what sort of bat are we talking about?
Fulton Greenwall: The Great White Bat, of course.
Ace: Corpus Kilochiroptera?
Fulton Greenwall: Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka.
Ace: Shikaka... Shikaka! Shikasha! Ohhh! Shishkabab. Shawshank Redemption. ShicaaaaGO! You're outta there! Go on, I gotcha, you're out.

Ace: OK, all looks good, you know, you never really know until you check things out yourself.
Fulton Greenwall: Well, aren't you going to go investigate?

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Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Quotes

I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YOU!


That's what you slipped in! That's what was on your shoe! AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRASION ON YOUR PALM! Damn I'm good!