I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YOU!

Airplane Stewardess: [lisping] Peanuts?
Ace: Yes, I have one right here. It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.

The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.

Friends, rodents, quadrupeds, lend me your rears!

Ace: Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky and loaded with danger.

Guano bowls! Collect the whole set...

You know, gingivitis is the number one reason of all tooth decay.

Ace: Just what sort of bat are we talking about?
Fulton Greenwall: The Great White Bat, of course.
Ace: Corpus Kilochiroptera?
Fulton Greenwall: Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka.
Ace: Shikaka... Shikaka! Shikasha! Ohhh! Shishkabab. Shawshank Redemption. ShicaaaaGO! You're outta there! Go on, I gotcha, you're out.

Take that, you winged spawn of Satan!

Ace: OK, all looks good, you know, you never really know until you check things out yourself.
Fulton Greenwall: Well, aren't you going to go investigate?
Ace: ITS DARK IN THERE... I MIGHT FALL INTO A PRECIPICE!

Of course. How sssselfish of me. Let's do all the things that YOU wanna do.

If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use *your* body to get to the top. You can't stop me no matter who you are!

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Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Quotes

I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YOU!

Ace

That's what you slipped in! That's what was on your shoe! AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRASION ON YOUR PALM! Damn I'm good!

Ace