Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

Steve McCroskey

Hanging Lady: Nervous?
Ted Striker: Yes.
Hanging Lady: First time?
Ted Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.

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Airplane! Quotes

Steve McCroskey: Johnny, what can you make out of this?
[Hands him the weather briefing]
Johnny: This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl...

Joey, have you ever been in a... in a Turkish prison?

Captain Oveur