Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

Steve McCroskey

Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.

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Airplane! Quotes

Joey, have you ever been in a... in a Turkish prison?

Captain Oveur

Hanging Lady: Nervous?
Ted Striker: Yes.
Hanging Lady: First time?
Ted Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.