Lester Burnham: I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up. Fast.
Jim Olmeyer: Are you just looking to lose weight, or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?
Lester Burnham: I wanna look good naked!

Colonel Frank Fitts: Where did you get that?
Ricky Fitts: From my job.
Colonel Frank Fitts: Don't lie to me. Now, I saw you with him.
Ricky Fitts: You were watching me?

This is my first time.

Angela Hayes

Lester Burnham: Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's.
Carolyn Burnham: [stunned] Uh, Buddy, this is my...
Lester Burnham: Her husband. We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time.

Colonel Frank Fitts: Boy, don't start.
Ricky Fitts: Two thousand dollars - I'm that good.
Colonel Frank Fitts: Get out.
Ricky Fitts: And you should see me fuck. I'm the best piece of ass in three States.
Colonel Frank Fitts: Get out. I don't ever want to see you again.
Ricky Fitts: What a sad old man you are.

Welcome to America's weirdest home videos.

Ricky Fitts

You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have. When I was your age, we lived in a duplex! We didn't even have our own house!

Carolyn Burnham

I know you think my dad's harmless, but you're wrong.

Jane Burnham

Angela Hayes: Yeah? Well, at least I'm not ugly!
Ricky Fitts: Yes, you are. And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, and you know it.

Lester Burnham: Then I guess I'll have to throw in a sexual harassment charge.
Brad: Against who?
Lester Burnham: Against you. Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?
Brad: Man, you are one twisted fuck.
Lester Burnham: No, Brad. I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.

Carolyn Burnham: Lester, you're going to spill beer on the couch.
Lester Burnham: Relax, it's just a couch!
Carolyn Burnham: This is a $4,000 sofa, upholstered in Italian silk. It is not just a couch.
Lester Burnham: [screaming] It's just a couch!

I feel like I've been in a coma for the past 20 years. And I'm just now waking up.

Lester Burnham

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American Beauty Quotes

Angela Hayes: Jane, he's a freak!
Jane Burnham: Then so am I! And we'll always be freaks and we'll never be like other people and you'll never be a freak because you're just too... perfect!

Brad: [reading Lester's job assessment] "My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell." Well, you have absolutely no interest in saving yourself.
Lester Burnham: Brad, for 14 years I've been a whore for the advertising industry. The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing.