Steve Stifler: Hey, Kev, seen shit break lately?
Kevin: Why? What did you do to him?
Steve Stifler: Me? Nothing. I'm the one whose ass he kicked. But uh... I'll tell you one thing... I don't think he's gonna have a problem shitting in school anymore. Slipped a little something into his Moccachino.

• Permalink: Hey, Kev, seen s**t break lately? Why? What did you do to him...
• Rating: Unrated

Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator?

• Permalink: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed. S...
• Rating: Unrated

Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky: I've never tried it.
Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse?

• Permalink: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually? I've never tri...
• Rating: Unrated

She called me and asked for my number.

Steve Stifler

• Permalink: She called me and asked for my number.
• Rating: Unrated

I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.

Jim

• Permalink: I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woma...
• Rating: Unrated

You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

Jim

• Permalink: You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They p...
• Rating: Unrated

Steve Stifler: What did you cocks do to him?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You came to see me in action?
Jim: Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!
Steve Stifler: Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!

• Permalink: What did you c**ks do to him? You came to see me in action?...
• Rating: Unrated

Victoria 'Vicky': I want it to be the right time, the right place...
Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's SEX.

• Permalink: I want it to be the right time, the right place... It's not a...
• Rating: Unrated

Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.

• Permalink: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like? You want to...
• Rating: Unrated

Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?

• Permalink: Apple pie, huh? Uh huh. McDonald's or homemade?
• Rating: Unrated

I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of ... masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud ... I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake like 5-6 times a day.

Jim's Dad

• Permalink: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of ... masturbati...
• Rating: Unrated

Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You gotta ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Steve Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.

• Permalink: You gotta ask them questions, and listen to what they have to s...
• Rating: Unrated