Judge: You think you can help him?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Yep. And if I can't, I'll tear him apart with my bare hands.

By the way, I like to sleep in the nude.

Dr. Buddy Rydell

He was wondering how a man weighing 600 pounds could teach people about self-discipline.

Dr. Buddy Rydell

Chuck: After I got back, I went through a rough time. Drinkin' booze, shootin' holes in the ceilin', screamin' myself to sleep... Finally, my parents said I had to move out.
Dave Buznik: So I'm guessing that's when you decided to shack up with your aunt.
Chuck: Don't get cute, wise ass... But, yes.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave, there are two kinds of angry people - explosive and implosive. Explosive is the type of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and then finally shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier.
Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I'm the guy in the frozen food section diallin' 911. I swear.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave assaulted a female flight attendant.
Stacy: Nice!
Gina: I bet you beat her good.
Dave Buznik: I didn't beat anybody. I touched a woman...
Chuck: Liar, Bullshiter... you're a WOMAN BEATER! And you can't admit it because you're a deluded piece of garbage!

Flirting is the second cousin of Cheating.

Dave Buznik

Stacy: Uh, we're in the adult film industry, and, we're lovers.
Gina: Yeah.
Stacy: So Gina was having sex with this guy Meelo which was totally cool cause it was in the script.
Gina: So we invited him back to the house because we like a little variety...
Stacy: I look up and see Gina kissing Meelo on the MOUTH which is not cool, because it violates our threesome code of ethics!
Gina: So Stacy bit my toe off.
Stacy: Then Meelo starts yelling, calling me a crazy skank...
Gina: And nobody talks to my bitch that way.
Stacy: That's right.
Gina: So I stapled his lip SHUT!!!
Dave Buznik: Well, we've all... been there.

Jibber jabber jibber jabbering, mumbo jumbo, denial, key-key-key key-key-key!

Dr. Buddy Rydell

What, do you think you're better than me, 'cause you got both your nuts?

Chuck

Cabbie: Let's get this thing movin'! What the hell is your problem?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Shut your pie hole, we're working here!

Chuck: I still remember the war...
Dave Buznik: Oh, yeah?
Chuck: Yeah... Remember waking up to the sound of bombs dropping and children screaming...
Dave Buznik: Oh, you were in Vietnam?
Chuck: No... Grenada.
Dave Buznik: Didn't that, like, last only 12 hours?

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Anger Management Quotes

Chuck: Here's my phone number.
Dave Buznik: "You're gonna die, bitch."
Chuck: Oh, sorry. That's a letter I'm writing to Geraldo Rivera.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: In Europe, it's not considered unusual for three or four men to share a bed.
Dave Buznik: That's why I'm proud to be an American.