Cabbie: Let's get this thing movin'! What the hell is your problem?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Shut your pie hole, we're working here!

Stacy: Uh, we're in the adult film industry, and, we're lovers.
Gina: Yeah.
Stacy: So Gina was having sex with this guy Meelo which was totally cool cause it was in the script.
Gina: So we invited him back to the house because we like a little variety...
Stacy: I look up and see Gina kissing Meelo on the MOUTH which is not cool, because it violates our threesome code of ethics!
Gina: So Stacy bit my toe off.
Stacy: Then Meelo starts yelling, calling me a crazy skank...
Gina: And nobody talks to my bitch that way.
Stacy: That's right.
Gina: So I stapled his lip SHUT!!!
Dave Buznik: Well, we've all... been there.

Flirting is the second cousin of Cheating.

Dave Buznik

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave assaulted a female flight attendant.
Stacy: Nice!
Gina: I bet you beat her good.
Dave Buznik: I didn't beat anybody. I touched a woman...
Chuck: Liar, Bullshiter... you're a WOMAN BEATER! And you can't admit it because you're a deluded piece of garbage!

Chuck: After I got back, I went through a rough time. Drinkin' booze, shootin' holes in the ceilin', screamin' myself to sleep... Finally, my parents said I had to move out.
Dave Buznik: So I'm guessing that's when you decided to shack up with your aunt.
Chuck: Don't get cute, wise ass... But, yes.

He was wondering how a man weighing 600 pounds could teach people about self-discipline.

Dr. Buddy Rydell

By the way, I like to sleep in the nude.

Dr. Buddy Rydell

Judge: You think you can help him?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Yep. And if I can't, I'll tear him apart with my bare hands.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: In Europe, it's not considered unusual for three or four men to share a bed.
Dave Buznik: That's why I'm proud to be an American.

Linda: How 'bout a kiss?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: I'd love a kiss.
Dave Buznik: I think she talkin' to me. And, uh, I think I can handle it.

Oh, the anger sharks are swimming in my head!

Nate

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Uh, Nate?
Nate: Yes, Mr. Rydell?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: I thought we agreed not to listen to games while in sessions.
Nate: Oh, it's perfectely fine Mr. Rydell. I got it under control. See? Iverson just missed the shot, the Sixers lose. Who cares ... THE ANGER SHARKS ARE SWIMMING MY HEAD. YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SHIT! YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SHIT!

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Anger Management Quotes

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave, there are two kinds of angry people - explosive and implosive. Explosive is the type of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and then finally shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier.
Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I'm the guy in the frozen food section diallin' 911. I swear.

Chuck: Here's my phone number.
Dave Buznik: "You're gonna die, bitch."
Chuck: Oh, sorry. That's a letter I'm writing to Geraldo Rivera.