Hoover: We're in trouble. I just checked with the guys at the Jewish house and they said that every one of our answers on the Psych test was wrong.
Boon: Every one? Those assholes must have stolen the wrong fucking exam!

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Dean Vernon Wormer

Otter: Flounder, I am appointing you pledge representative to the social committee.
Flounder: Gee Otter, thanks. What do I have to do?
Otter: It means you have to drive us to the Food King.

Now, she should be good-looking, but we're willing to trade looks for a certain... morally casual attitude.

Boon

Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.

Bluto

See if you can guess what I am now.... I'm a zit. Get it!?

Bluto

May I have ten thousand marbles, please?

Flounder

Don't write this down, but I find Milton probably as boring as you find Milton. Mrs. Milton found him boring too. He's a little bit long-winded, he doesn't translate very well into our generation, and his jokes are terrible.

Jennings

Pinto: I won't go schizo, will I?
Jennings: It's a distinct possibility.

Doug Neidermeyer: How does it feel to be an independent, Schoenstein?
Boon: How does it feel to be an asshole, Neidermeyer?

Dean Vernon Wormer: Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?
Greg Marmalard: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.
Greg Marmalard: You're talking about Delta, sir.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Of course I'm talking about Delta, you TWERP!

Otter: Mrs. Wormer, I'm so glad you could come.
Marion Wormer: Cut the crap. Give me a drink.

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Animal House Quotes

Larry's evil conscience: Fuck her. Fuck her brains out! Suck her tits, squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.
Larry's good conscience: For shame! Lawrence, I'm surprised at you!
Larry's evil conscience: Aw, don't listen to that jackoff. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.
Larry's good conscience: If you lay one finger on that poor sweet helpless girl, you'll despise yourself forever... I'm proud of you, Lawrence.
Larry's evil conscience: You homo.

Katy: Boon, I think I'm in love with a retard.
Boon: Is he bigger than me?