Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Dean Vernon Wormer

Meaner dude: If I was in your shoes, I'd be...
Otter: Leaving! What a good idea.

Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.

Bluto

Don't write this down, but I find Milton probably as boring as you find Milton. Mrs. Milton found him boring too. He's a little bit long-winded, he doesn't translate very well into our generation, and his jokes are terrible.

Jennings

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Animal House Quotes

Larry's evil conscience: Fuck her. Fuck her brains out! Suck her tits, squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.
Larry's good conscience: For shame! Lawrence, I'm surprised at you!
Larry's evil conscience: Aw, don't listen to that jackoff. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.
Larry's good conscience: If you lay one finger on that poor sweet helpless girl, you'll despise yourself forever... I'm proud of you, Lawrence.
Larry's evil conscience: You homo.

Katy: Boon, I think I'm in love with a retard.
Boon: Is he bigger than me?