Grace Stamper: Listen, Harry, A.J. is my choice - my choice and not yours.
Harry Stamper: He's the only one in your age bracket, Grace. That's not a choice, that's a lack of options.

Harry Stamper: The United States Government just asked us to save the world. Anyone wanna say no?
Chick: 20 years, I've never turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there.

Houston, you have a problem. You see, I promised my little girl that I was coming home. Now I don't know WHAT you people are doing down there, but we've got a hole to dig up here!

Harry Stamper

Karl: Sir, I'm retired navy, I know all about classified. But one more thing. The person who finds her gets to name her right?
Dan: Yes, yes that's right, that's right.
Karl: I wanna name her Dottie after my wife. She's a vicious life-sucking bitch from which there is no escape.

Wow. Got a great view of the Earth from here. Too bad we'll never set foot on her again.

Rockhound

I address you tonight not as the President of the United States, not as the leader of a country, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The Bible calls this day "Armageddon" - the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, a species has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellence, knowledge; every step up the ladder of science; every adventurous reach into space; all of our combined modern technologies and imaginations; even the wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle. Through all of the chaos that is our history; through all of the wrongs and the discord; through all of the pain and the suffering; through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our species above its origins, and that is our courage. The dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight on those fourteen brave souls traveling into the heavens. And may we all, citizens the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to you.

President

You want to compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years. Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives, ok?

Rockhound

Grace Stamper: First time I got my period, Rock had to take me to Tai-Pei for Tampax. Then he had to show me how to use them.
[Off Harry's stern look]
Rockhound: I told her how to use them. I didn't show her, Harry.

You know it's all funny until somebody gets shot in the leg.

A.J.

Chick: I've never told anyone this before, but I hate flying. So it would be an awful shame to die now.
Rockhound: You think that's bad? I owe 100 grand to a fat-ass loan shark which I spent on a stripper named Molly Mounds.
Chick: Boy, that's bad.

Truman: So you drill, drop the nuke, and leave. Here's the key: you're going to remote-detonate the nuke... before the asteroid passes this plane,
[Quincy shows a video of the asteroid]
Truman: Zero Barrier. If you do that, the fragments of the asteroid will be deflected enough to pass right by us. If the bomb explodes after Zero Barrier,
[the video of the asteroid fragments hitting the Earth is displayed]
Truman: game's over.

F.B.I. Agent: Sir, we have a national security matter.
Rockhound: Good for you.

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Armageddon Quotes

You want to compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years. Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives, ok?

Rockhound

A.J.: Have you ever heard of Evel Knievel?
Lev Andropov: No, I never saw Star Wars.