You know it's all funny until somebody gets shot in the leg.

A.J.

Chick: I've never told anyone this before, but I hate flying. So it would be an awful shame to die now.
Rockhound: You think that's bad? I owe 100 grand to a fat-ass loan shark which I spent on a stripper named Molly Mounds.
Chick: Boy, that's bad.

Truman: So you drill, drop the nuke, and leave. Here's the key: you're going to remote-detonate the nuke... before the asteroid passes this plane,
[Quincy shows a video of the asteroid]
Truman: Zero Barrier. If you do that, the fragments of the asteroid will be deflected enough to pass right by us. If the bomb explodes after Zero Barrier,
[the video of the asteroid fragments hitting the Earth is displayed]
Truman: game's over.

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Armageddon Quotes

A.J.: Have you ever heard of Evel Knievel?
Lev Andropov: No, I never saw Star Wars.

I understand that you are handicapped by a natural immaturity, and I forgive you.

Grace Stamper