Simon Bishop: Rot in hell, Melvin!
Melvin Udall: No need to stop being a lady. Quit worryin! You'll be back on your knees in no time!

Is this fun for you? You lucky devil. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? I'm losing my apartment, Melvin. And Frank, he wants me to beg my parents, who haven't called me, for help. And I won't. And... I... I don't want to paint any more. So the life that I was trying for, is over. the life that I had is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe.

Simon Bishop

Carol Connelly: How are you?
Simon Bishop: Don't ask. I'm tired of my own complaints. I need to get some new thoughts.
Carol Connelly: Why? What are you thinking about now?
Simon Bishop: How to die, mostly.
Carol Connelly: To think that in our little mix you're the good roommate.

Lucky for you... you're here for rock-bottom. You absolute horror of a human being.

Simon Bishop

Melvin Udall: Oh, you were talking about your dog. I thought you were referring to that colored man inside your apartment.
Simon Bishop: Uh, what color would that be?
Melvin Udall: Like uh, like thick MO-lasses.

How much more you got to eat? Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh?

Melvin Udall

As long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a rat-crap what or where you shove your show. Are we done being neighbors for now?

Melvin Udall

A compliment is something nice about somebody else.

Carol Connelly

Carol Connelly: You're going to die soon with that diet. You know that, right?
Melvin Udall: Oh, we're all going to die soon. I will, you will, and it sure sounds like your son will.

Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?

Melvin Udall

Carol Connelly: Is it a secret what you're doing here?
Melvin Udall: I had to see you.
Carol Connelly: Because?
Melvin Udall: It relaxes me. I'd feel better sitting ouside your apartment on the curb than any other place I can think of or imagine.

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As Good As It Gets Quotes

Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor wanna hump-hump" bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here.

Melvin Udall

I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!

Melvin Udall