[to Goldmember] There are only two things I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch.

Nigel Powers

Goldmember: Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing, you know.
Dr. Evil: How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard?

Are those fricken' sharks with fricken' laser beams attached to their fricken' heads?

Dr. Evil

I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl. Thank you.

Dr. Evil

Well, congratulations numb nuts... you've succeeded in turning me into a frickin' Jack in the box. Get it off! Get it off! It's dark, it's dark!

Dr. Evil

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen! [silence] No? Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub...

Dr. Evil

Nigel Powers: [rubs throat] Ow...
Austin Powers: What's wrong with your neck?
Nigel Powers: I took a Viagra, got stuck in me throat, I've had a stiff neck for hours.
Austin Powers: I thank you!

You know, Dr. Evil, I have always thought you were crazy, but now I can see you're nuts.

Austin Powers: Your spy car's a Mini?
Nigel Powers: It's not the size mate, it's how you use it.

Goldmember: Dr. Evil, we still have the ultimate insurance policy. May I present to you, the very sexual, the very toite, Austin Power's fahza.
Dr. Evil: His what?
Number 2: His fahza, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: His farger? What's a farger?
Goldmember: His fahza. You know, the fahza.
Dr. Evil: You know Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch. Okay, perv boy?
Goldmember: Fahza, his dad, dad is fahza.
Dr. Evil: Oh, his dad. His FA-THER.

Goldmember: Dr. Evil, You look very toit. Yesh, toit like a toiger. Yesh Yesh Yesh.
Dr. Evil: You know, Goldmember? I don't think that's something one dude should say to another dude. Yeah. A little creepy. Mmhmm.

It did sound a little wet, there didn't it? Right at the end! Oooh! Heh heh heh. Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! I smell like hot sick... ass in a dead carcass! Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!

Fat Bastard

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Austin Powers in Goldmember Quotes

Dr. Evil: Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H. [Scott snickers] What?
Scott Evil: Why don't you just call it operation ass-cream, you ass.
Dr. Evil: I'm sorry, did you say you want some ice cream?
Scott Evil: Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass-cream.
Dr. Evil: Perhaps later.
Number 2: Dr. Evil, I love your plan.

Goldmember: Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing, you know.
Dr. Evil: How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard?