There is truth, and there are lies, and art always tells the truth. Even when it's lying.

Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich)

I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis AND a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... feminine side. I like that.

Lotte Schwartz

You don't know how lucky you are being a monkey. Because consciousness is a terrible curse. I think. I feel. I suffer. And all I ask in return is the opportunity to do my work. And they won't allow it... because I raise issues.

Craig Schwartz

Hot lesbian witches! It's fucking genius!

Charlie

Have you ever had two people look at you, with complete lust and devotion, through the same pair of eyes?

Maxine

I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.

Dr. Lester

Craig, I don't find you attractive, but Lotte, I'm smitten with you. I am... but only when you're in Malkovich. When I was with him last night, I was looking into his eyes and could sense your feminine longing.

Maxine

Meet you in Malkovich in one hour.

Maxine

She has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western.

Dr. Lester

Truth is for suckers, Johnny Boy.

Charlie

You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes. Then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike!

Craig Schwartz

Do you know what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?

Craig Schwartz

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Being John Malkovich Quotes

Do you know what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?

Craig Schwartz

Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.

Lotte Schwartz