God, why do you hate me?

Bruce: There were so many. I just gave them all what they want.
God: Yeah. But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?

Allllllrighty then.

God

Grace: I've never seen the moon that big.
Bruce: We really shouldn't waste it.

I did the same thing to Gandhi, he didn't eat for three weeks.

God

Grace: Oh, God.
Bruce: You can call me Bruce.

I am Bruce Almighty. My will be done.

Bruce: Lord, feed the hungry, and bring peace to all of mankind. How's that?
God: Great... If you wanna be Miss America.

Grace: I've got a very rare blood type. I'm AB positive.
Bruce: Well I'm IB positive. I be positive they ain't touching me with no needle.

Grace: Debbie won the lottery.
Bruce: Oh, yeah? You're kidding.
Grace: But I guess so did 400,000 other people, so she only won, like, $17.

Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home, little buddy.

Grace: It's weird. I woke up this morning and I swear my boobs felt bigger. Do they look bigger to you?
Bruce: Bigger?

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Bruce Almighty Quotes

We have a new record. Cue the cheesy inspirational music.

Bruce

God, why do you hate me?

Bruce