God: Grace. You want her back?
Bruce: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.
God: Now THAT'S a prayer.

Allllllrighty then.

God

Grace: I've never seen the moon that big.
Bruce: We really shouldn't waste it.

I did the same thing to Gandhi, he didn't eat for three weeks.

God

Grace: Oh, God.
Bruce: You can call me Bruce.

I am Bruce Almighty. My will be done.

Bruce: Lord, feed the hungry, and bring peace to all of mankind. How's that?
God: Great... If you wanna be Miss America.

Grace: Debbie won the lottery.
Bruce: Oh, yeah? You're kidding.
Grace: But I guess so did 400,000 other people, so she only won, like, $17.

Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home, little buddy.

Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh away. Don't like it? Megabyte me.

Bruce: Where are you going?
God: I'm taking a vacation.
Bruce: God doesn't take vacations. Does he?... Do... ye?
God: Did you ever hear of the dark ages? Besides, I'm covered. You can clear everything up in five minutes, if you want to. Right?

God: Bruce, you have a divine spark. You have a gift for bringing joy and laughter to the world. I know, I created you.
Bruce: Quit bragging.

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Bruce Almighty Quotes

We have a new record. Cue the cheesy inspirational music.

Bruce

God, why do you hate me?

Bruce