This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.

Spalding Smails

Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...

Carl Spackler

I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.

Ty Webb

Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents*.
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.

Lou Loomis: What's the sign say?
Angie D'Annunzio: No bare feet.
Lou Loomis: [picks him up by the shirt collar] What's that sign say?
Angie D'Annunzio: No fighting.
Lou Loomis: What's that mean?
Angie D'Annunzio: No fighting.
Lou Loomis: You owe me one gumball machine. What's that candy wrapper doing there? Well don't you see it? Well pick it up.

Groundskeeper Sandy: Carl. Damn your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off.
Carl Spackler: I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner.

Well, we're waiting!

Judge Smails

This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.

Carl Spackler

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

Al Czervik

Bark like a dog.

Carl Spackler

I was born to love you / I was born to lick your face / I was born to rub you / but you were born to rub me first /... What do you say we take this out on the patio?

Ty Webb

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

Judge Smails

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Caddyshack Quotes

It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat.

Judge Smails

A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.

Ty Webb