[to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?

Al Czervik

Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.

Al Czervik

Danny, I'm having a party this weekend. [pauses a beat] How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?

Judge Smails

I almost got head from Amelia Earhart!

Al Czervik

Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [Sees judge Smalls in the same hat] Oh, it looks good on you though.

Al Czervik

IT'S IN THE HOLE!

Carl Spackler

Ty Webb: You've got to win this hole.
Danny Noonan: I kinda thought winning wasn't important
Ty Webb: Me winning isn't. You do.
Danny Noonan: Great grammar.

He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.

Carl Spackler

Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents*.
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.

Doodie!

Spalding Smails
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This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion.

Carl Spackler

This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.

Spalding Smails

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Caddyshack Quotes

It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat.

Judge Smails

A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.

Ty Webb