Bark like a dog.

Carl Spackler

You're not, you're not good, Al. You stink.

Ty Webb

Groundskeeper Sandy: Carl. Damn your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off.
Carl Spackler: I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner.

Bless this ship, and all who sail on her. I christen thee The Flying WASP.

Mrs. Smails

Bishop: Why don't you come on down to our new Lutheran center?
Danny Noonan: I've often thought about becoming a priest.
Bishop: Oh, are you a Roman Catholic?
[Danny nods]
Bishop: Oh, then I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come.

Danny Noonan: I've always wanted to go to college.
Judge Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.
Lacey Underall: [to Danny] Nice try.

Al Czervik: [tees off] Fore!
[ball hits Judge Smails in the crotch]
Al Czervik: I should have yelled, "Two!"

Ty Webb: Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out... You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean... You know who that guy was Danny?
Danny Noonan: No.
Ty Webb: Take one good guess.
Danny Noonan: Bob Hope?
Ty Webb: Ha ha... No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.

Do you stand for *goodness*, or - for *badness*?

Judge Smails

Ty Webb: You've got to win this hole.
Danny Noonan: I kinda thought winning wasn't important
Ty Webb: Me winning isn't. You do.
Danny Noonan: Great grammar.

Wait up, girls; I got a salami I gotta hide still.

Carl Spackler

Lacey Underall: You're crazy!
Ty Webb: That's what they said about Son of Sam.

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Caddyshack Quotes

It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat.

Judge Smails

A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.

Ty Webb