Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.

Al Czervik

[to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?

Al Czervik

You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

Al Czervik

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

Al Czervik

Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [Sees judge Smalls in the same hat] Oh, it looks good on you though.

Al Czervik

IT'S IN THE HOLE!

Carl Spackler

He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.

Carl Spackler

Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents*.
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.

Ty Webb: I like you Betty.
Danny Noonan: It's Danny sir.
Ty Webb: Danny.

This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.

Spalding Smails

Ahoy polloi.

Spalding Smails

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid.

Al Czervik

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Caddyshack Quotes

It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat.

Judge Smails

A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.

Ty Webb