Would you like to touch my penis? I am a sex machine!

Exchange student

Kenny Fisher: I mean peep this - They say here 92 percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. 92 percent of the women in Los Angeles at UCLA walking around going, "Class... or sex? What shall I do?" 92 percent, yo! Hey, you know what that means?
Ritchie Koolboy: What?
Kenny Fisher: It means I gots a 92 percent chance of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shorty be like, "What's up yo?" she be like, "You don't know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa" cuz I don't yo.

[wasted] I can't feel my legs, I HAVE NO LEGS!

William

Yearbook Girl: Kenny Fisher, sign my yearbook.
Kenny Fisher: No, thanks. No time.
Yearbook Girl: Come on. Where's your school spirit? Go, Hot Dogs!
DJ Sammy: Bitch, get a life!

Kenny Fisher: 'Sup, ladies? Yo Jana, wanna dance?
Jana: I'm allergic.
Kenny Fisher: You're allergic to dancing?
Jana: Yeah.

Amanda Beckett: Hi, umm... Do you happen to know who Preston Myers is?
Earth Girl: D'uh. He only sat like, right next to you in freshman English. But I guess you wouldn't remember that. I mean, why would Amanda Beckett pay any attention to a unique spirit like Preston, or even a unique spirit like me? Maybe it's because she's a little busy ordering around her little conformist flock of sheep. SHEEP! You are all sheep! Baaaaah!

You know who else I like that didn't get much play? Velma from Scooby-Doo. She was cool. She was a hip, hip lady.

Stoner Guy

Kenny Fisher: Those shoes!
Denise: What?
Kenny Fisher: Do they serve an orthopedic function?

Nobody drink the beer, the beer has gone bad!

William

You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe, maybe it's just God's salt. And God's just waiting to eat us.

William

[after he spills water on his pants] Damn, she's gonna think I got that premature evacuation!

Kenny Fisher

I better double bag it. I don't know where that girl been.

Kenny Fisher

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Can't Hardly Wait Quotes

Nobody drink the beer, the beer has gone bad!

William

Would you like to touch my penis? I am a sex machine!

Exchange student