May your first child be a masculine child!

Randal Graves

Elias: That's bestiality, Randal!
Randal Graves: At it's finest, I hope.
Elias: Who would want to see something like that?
Randal Graves: Dante, me, YOU.
Elias: I don't want to see something like that! Why would you want to see something like that?
Randal Graves: Because it's fucked up! Besides, I want to know if a chick with a mouth full of donkey spunk swallows. Lemme borrow your cell phone.

Becky: Shit, I had to wait on a guy I blew after Junior Prom.
Randal Graves: Yeah, I've waited on your brother too.

Teen #1: How about a nickel bag?
Jay: Fifteen bucks, lit-tle man. Put that shit in my hand. Nong nong nonga nonga nong nong.
Teen #1: [to Teen #2] He likes to sing.

Randal Graves: Why haven't you fucked Myra yet?
Elias: Well we can't because of Pillow Pants.
Randal Graves: What the fuck's Pillow Pants?
Elias: Pillow Pants is a little troll that lives in her pussy.

Say what you will about Jesus, but leave "The Rings" alone.

Elias

You gotta be as blind as Anne Frank not to see that.

Randal Graves

Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit! The big guy's gonna cornhole that ass! With his weiner!

Jay

Dante Hicks: Can you feel it?
Randal Graves: Feel what?
Dante Hicks: Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.

Elias: If he's gonna jerk off, I'm gonna jerk off, too
Randal Graves: I don't think he's gonna jerk off.

Randal Graves: Ladies and gentlemen, and you, Elias! Straight from the debauchery capital of the world, TI-juana Mexico!
Dante Hicks: Oh, God, no.
Randal Graves: Oh, God, yes!

Fuck off with your D&D GoBot bullshit.

Randal Graves

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Clerks II Quotes

I'm gonna kick your ass back to the Shire if you don't shut your fucking mouth.

Hobbit Lover

Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit! The big guy's gonna cornhole that ass! With his weiner!

Jay