Fuck off with your D&D GoBot bullshit.

Randal Graves

What'd you do that for? You realize he just thinks you're trying to get him into a threeway with us now, don't you?

Dante Hicks

I got to rent movies, fuck with assholes, and hang out with my best friend, Dante.

Randal Graves

Randal Graves: You're in the bestiality business.
Sexy Stud: Hey. Fucko. We like to call it inter-species erotica.
Randal Graves: Intriguing.

Randal Graves: That look was so gay, I thought Sam was gonna tell the little Hobbits to go for a walk so he could saunter over to Frodo and suck his fucking cock. Now that would have been an Academy Award-worthy ending.
Hobbit Lover: Hey, faggot! They're not gay. They're hobbits.

Randal Graves: All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."
Hobbit Lover: Oh, Star Wars geek.
Randal Graves: Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses.
Elias: You'll have to excuse him, he's not "down" with the trilogy.
Randal Graves: Oh, what the fuck happened to this world? There's only one trilogy, you fucking morons.

Elias: Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love or like pussy!
Jay: [Looks at Silent Bob] Yo, we love pussy!

Teen #1: You holding?
Jay: Shit, everything except coke, heroin, and your cock!

Dante Hicks: The guy's in a wheelchair.
Randal Graves: I know. That's why I call him "crippie-boy."

I was taking a piss when I heard the news, congratulations!

Jay

Elias: The Transformers are a gift from God, Randal!
Randal Graves: Oh no, sir. The Transformers are a curse from the beast we call The Desolate One.

Randal Graves: Don't worry. His pickle was small enough to stay wedged after only four bites.
Lance Dowds: I bet you're the only guy in the world who still remembers that, Graves.
Randal Graves: Oh, I'm sure you still remember it pretty vividly, Pickle Fucker.

FREE Movie Newsletter

Clerks II Quotes

Randal Graves: Since when did "porch monkey" suddenly become a racial slur?
Dante Hicks: When ignorant racists started saying it a hundred years ago.
Randal Graves: Oh bullshit. My grandmother used to call me a 'porch monkey' all the time when I was a kid, because I'd sit on the porch and stare at my neighbors.
Dante Hicks: Despite the fact that your grandmother might've used it as a term of endearment for you, it's still a racial slur. It'd be like your grandmother calling you a little kike.
Randal Graves: No it is not. Plus my grandmother had nothing but the utmost respect for the Jewish community. When I was a kid, she'd always tell me to treat the Jewish kids well or they'd put the sheeny curse on me.
Dante Hicks: WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?
Randal Graves: What?

Dante Hicks: You wouldn't wanna be with a girl with an oversized clit?
Randal Graves: No because the next step would be a guy with an undersized dick.