Dante Hicks: Can you feel it?
Randal Graves: Feel what?
Dante Hicks: Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.

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Elias: If he's gonna jerk off, I'm gonna jerk off, too
Randal Graves: I don't think he's gonna jerk off.

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Randal Graves: Ladies and gentlemen, and you, Elias! Straight from the debauchery capital of the world, TI-juana Mexico!
Dante Hicks: Oh, God, no.
Randal Graves: Oh, God, yes!

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What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look up weird, fucked-up pictures of dirty sex you'd never have yourself?

Randal Graves

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What'd you do that for? You realize he just thinks you're trying to get him into a threeway with us now, don't you?

Dante Hicks

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You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah... be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien life form... and fuck it. People would be like, "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a Martian once."

Jay

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May your first child be a masculine child!

Randal Graves

• Permalink: May your first child be a masculine child!
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... I got nothing.

Silent Bob

• Permalink: ... I got nothing.
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That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.

Jay

• Permalink: That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.
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I got to rent movies, fuck with assholes, and hang out with my best friend, Dante.

Randal Graves

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[wasted] I hope that donkey doesn't have a heinie troll!

Elias

• Permalink: I hope that donkey doesn't have a heinie troll!
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Randal Graves: You're in the bestiality business.
Sexy Stud: Hey. Fucko. We like to call it inter-species erotica.
Randal Graves: Intriguing.

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