Randal Graves: Well I don't wanna jerk off in the Mooby's bathroom. What if a customer comes in and my jerkin' off gets him all sex nuts and retard strong, and suddenly I'm fighting him off as he tries to jam my dick in his mouth?
Dante Hicks: The most likeliest of scenarios.

• Permalink: Well I don't wanna jerk off in the Mooby's bathroom. What if a ...
• Added: August 08, 2007

Randal Graves: Don't worry. His pickle was small enough to stay wedged after only four bites.
Lance Dowds: I bet you're the only guy in the world who still remembers that, Graves.
Randal Graves: Oh, I'm sure you still remember it pretty vividly, Pickle Fucker.

• Permalink: Don't worry. His pickle was small enough to stay wedged after o...
• Added: August 08, 2007

Elias: The Transformers are a gift from God, Randal!
Randal Graves: Oh no, sir. The Transformers are a curse from the beast we call The Desolate One.

• Permalink: The Transformers are a gift from God, Randal! Oh no, sir. The...
• Added: August 08, 2007

I was taking a piss when I heard the news, congratulations!

Jay

• Permalink: I was taking a piss when I heard the news, congratulations!
• Added: August 08, 2007

Randal Graves: 17-year-olds nowadays are crazy. They're up for anything. They even like it when you go ass to mouth.
Dante Hicks: You never go ass to mouth, Randal.
Randal Graves: It's never my idea!

• Permalink: 17-year-olds nowadays are crazy. They're up for anything. They ...
• Added: August 08, 2007

Dante Hicks: The guy's in a wheelchair.
Randal Graves: I know. That's why I call him "crippie-boy."

• Permalink: The guy's in a wheelchair. I know. That's why I call him crip...
• Added: August 08, 2007

Teen #1: You holding?
Jay: Shit, everything except coke, heroin, and your cock!

• Permalink: You holding? Shit, everything except coke, heroin, and your c...
• Added: August 08, 2007

Randal Graves. You work here too? Jesus, anyone else from our graduating class back there?

Lance Dowds

• Permalink: Randal Graves. You work here too? Jesus, anyone else from our g...
• Added: August 08, 2007

Elias: Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love or like pussy!
Jay: [Looks at Silent Bob] Yo, we love pussy!

• Permalink: F**k Pillowpants! Honk if you love or like p***y! Yo, we lov...
• Added: August 08, 2007

Randal Graves: All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."
Hobbit Lover: Oh, Star Wars geek.
Randal Graves: Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses.
Elias: You'll have to excuse him, he's not "down" with the trilogy.
Randal Graves: Oh, what the fuck happened to this world? There's only one trilogy, you fucking morons.

• Permalink: All right, look, there's only one Return, okay, and it ain't of...
• Added: August 08, 2007

Randal Graves: That look was so gay, I thought Sam was gonna tell the little Hobbits to go for a walk so he could saunter over to Frodo and suck his fucking cock. Now that would have been an Academy Award-worthy ending.
Hobbit Lover: Hey, faggot! They're not gay. They're hobbits.

• Permalink: That look was so gay, I thought Sam was gonna tell the little H...
• Added: August 08, 2007

Randal Graves: You're in the bestiality business.
Sexy Stud: Hey. Fucko. We like to call it inter-species erotica.
Randal Graves: Intriguing.

• Permalink: You're in the bestiality business. Hey. F**ko. We like to cal...
• Added: August 08, 2007