Favorite Clerks Quotes
Dante Hicks: Someone jammed gum in the locks.
Veronica Loughran: You're kidding.
Dante Hicks: Bunch of savages in this town.
[His only line] You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.Silent Bob
People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl "Mom."Randal Graves
Yeah, I mean aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. I mean that's what high school was about, algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.Dante Hicks
Veronica Loughran: I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante Hicks: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica Loughran: Please calm down.
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: Dante...
Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many? Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37?
Dante Hicks: 37! My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!
Customer with Diapers: In a row?
Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!Dante Hicks
It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.Caged Animal Masturbator
What's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?Dante Hicks
Sanford: Hey, Dante, I'm gonna grab a Gatorade.
Dante Hicks: If you grab a Gatorade, then everyone's gonna grab one.
Dante Hicks: So, who's gonna pay for all these Gatorades?
Sanford: What do you care, you shoe polish-smelling motherfucker?
Dante Hicks: Hey, I have a responsibility here. I can't have everybody grabbing free drinks.
Sanford: Responsibility? What responsibility? You're closing the fucking store to play hockey!
Randal Graves: He's blunt, but he's got a point.
Dante Hicks: Will you let me maintain some semblance of managerial control here?
Sanford: No, all I'm sayin' is that if you're gonna be insubordinate, you might as well go the full nine, not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.
Randal Graves: He's right, as if we're suddenly gonna have a run on Gatorade.
Sanford: Fuckin' A!
Dante Hicks: All right! Jesus! You fuckers are pushy!
Duh duh... duh duh... duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh... Salsa shark! We're gonna need a bigger boat! Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa. Shark's in the salsa. Our shark.Randal Graves