My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.

Randal Graves

I've had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit.

Jay

Dante Hicks: It wasn't me.
Caitlin Bree: [scoffs] Yeah, right. Who was it? Randal?
Dante Hicks: [to Randal] Was it you?
Randal Graves: I was up here the whole time.

Caitlin Bree: You two better quit it.
Dante Hicks: I'm serious.
Caitlin Bree: So, we didn't jus have sex in the bathroom?
Dante Hicks: No.
Caitlin Bree: Stop it. This isn't funny.
Dante Hicks: I'm not kidding. I just came in from outside.
Caitlin Bree: This isn't fucking funny Dante!
Dante Hicks: I'm not fooling around!

Dante Hicks: Who went back there?
Randal Graves: Nobody, I swear!
Caitlin Bree: I feel nauseous.
Dante Hicks: Are you sure there's somebody back there?
Caitlin Bree: Well I didn't just fuck myself! Jesus Christ, I think I'm gonna be sick!
Randal Graves: You just fucked a total stranger?
Dante Hicks: Shut the fuck up!
Caitlin Bree: I can't believe this...
Dante Hicks: Call the police!
Caitlin Bree: No, don't!
Randal Graves: Why?
Dante Hicks: Because there's a stranger in our bathroom and he just raped Caitlin!
Randal Graves: But she said that she did all the work.
Dante Hicks: Would you shut the fuck up! Who the fuck's in our bathroom?

Randal Graves: If you break Dante's heart again, I'll kill you. Nothing personal.
Caitlin Bree: You sure are protective of Dante.

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Clerks Quotes

Dante Hicks: You hate people!
Randal Graves: But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?

Sanford: Hey, Dante, I'm gonna grab a Gatorade.
Dante Hicks: If you grab a Gatorade, then everyone's gonna grab one.
Sanford: So?
Dante Hicks: So, who's gonna pay for all these Gatorades?
Sanford: What do you care, you shoe polish-smelling motherfucker?
Dante Hicks: Hey, I have a responsibility here. I can't have everybody grabbing free drinks.