Michael Newman: [reading off letter] Like I Said, "Good Guys Need A Break". I know you'll do the right thing this time. Love Morty. P.S. Your Wife's Rockin' Body Still Drives Me Crazy.
Michael Newman: Okay, Morty.
[Throws the universal remote into the bin]

He's always chasing the pot of gold, but when he gets there, at the end of the day, it's just corn flakes.

Morty

It's all just... cornflakes.

Morty

Donna Newman: Will you still love me in the morning?
Michael Newman: Forever and ever, babe

Michael Newman: Aunt Peggy, is that you? God, you got old.
[Peggy flicks her chin and gives him the arm, to the crowd]
Michael Newman: I'm just playing, she knows that.

Who wants to have a pillow fight?

Michael Newman

Michael Newman: [in a flashback of his and Donna's first kiss, just as it occurs] Yeah!
Janine: [offscreen] Donna!
[appears onscreen dressed as a punk, sees them kissing]
Janine: Donna - Oh, my God! I'm so horny now.
Michael Newman: Oh, God. Get me out of here.

Michael Newman: My schmeckel got bigger now that I'm older, just so you guys know that.
Trudy: It couldn't have gotten any smaller.
Ted: [Laughing] It looked like a litttle Tic Tac.
Michael Newman: Yeah, come, here, I'll freshen your breath.

Trudy: Hey, Micheal. Micheal, who are you talking to?
Michael Newman: Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma. Take it easy.
Trudy: Oh, yeah? Well, tell him to get a life. You got family here. You're busy. Come on.
Michael Newman: My mother says hello.

Twinkie. Don't need it. You don't need it, man. You do need a Yodel, though. Good job.

Michael Newman

Think about it, you've skipped a year. That's a lot of sex. That's like, thirty minutes worth for you.

Morty

Morty: [standing at Ted's, Michael's dad's, grave] He was a good man. I'm sorry, Michael. I didn't want to take him.
Michael Newman: What?
Morty: Michael, I'm an angel.
Michael Newman: I thought angels were supposed to protect people.
Morty: I'm the Angel of Death.

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Click Quotes

Michael Newman: [reading off letter] Like I Said, "Good Guys Need A Break". I know you'll do the right thing this time. Love Morty. P.S. Your Wife's Rockin' Body Still Drives Me Crazy.
Michael Newman: Okay, Morty.
[Throws the universal remote into the bin]

Donna Newman: Will you still love me in the morning?
Michael Newman: Forever and ever, babe