Mr. Hall: So does anyone have any final thoughts on Cher's oration? Elton?
Elton: Yeah. I can't find my Cranberries CD. I gotta go to the quad before anyone snags it.

Cher's saving herself for Luke Perry.

Dionne

[seeking a match for her teacher] Unfortunately, There was a major babe drought at my school. The evil trolls from the math department were actually married and in the grand tradition of P.E. teachers, Ms. Stoger seemed to be same-sex oriented.

Cher

I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I'd never be tardy.

Travis

What's with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?

Mel

Dee, when your allergies act up, take out your nose ring.

Cher

Mel: So, what did you do in school today?
Cher: Well, I broke in my purple clogs.

Cher: Would you call me selfish?
Dionne: No, not to your face.

That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.

Cher

Tai: Why should I listen to you, anyway? You're a virgin who can't drive.
Cher: That was way harsh, Tai.

Travis: I joined this program and there's steps. There's... uh...
Cher: Twelve?
Travis: Yeah, how'd you know?
Cher: Wild guess.

Cher: Are you talking about drugs?
Tai: Yeah.
Cher: Tai, how old are you?
Tai: I'll be 16 in May.
Cher: My birthday is in April and as someone older, can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day.

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Clueless Quotes

Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.

Mel

I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M's and, like, 3 pieces of licorice.

Cher