Cher: "Second notice on an outstanding ticket." I don't remember getting a first notice.
Mel: The TICKET is the first notice.

Cher: Lucy, the fire department called again. They said we need to clear out that bush. You said you'd get Jose to do it.
Lucy: He your gardener, I don't know why you no tell him.
Cher: Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
Lucy: I NOT A MEXICAN.

Mel: Which reminds me, where's your report card?
Cher: It's not ready yet.
Mel: What do you mean, "it's not ready yet?"
Cher: Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know how you say, "Never accept a first offer", so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.

Murray: Where you been all weekend? What's up? You been jeepin' behind my back?
Dionne: Jeepin'? Jeepin'? No. But, speaking of vehicular sex, perhaps you can explain how this cheap K-Mart hair extension got into the backseat of your car.
Murray: I don't know where that came from. That looks like one of your little stringy somethin' or an others you got over here.
Dionne: I do not wear polyester hair, okay? Unlike some people I know like Shawana.
Cher: Dee, I'm outty.
Dionne: Bye.
Murray: Why do you got to go there? Why do you gotta go there? Is it that time of the month again?

AS IF. I am only 16, and this is California, not Kentucky.

Cher

Suddenly a dark cloud settled over first period... I got a C in debate?

Cher

Cher: You are such a brown-noser.
Josh: Oh, and you are such a superficial space cadet. What makes you think you can get teachers to change your grades?
Cher: The fact that I've done it every other semester.

Josh: Wow, you're fillin' out there.
Cher: Wow, your face is catching up with your mouth.

Shit, you guys, I have never had straight friends before!

Tai

Mel: I'd like to see you have a little direction.
Cher: I have direction!
Josh: Yeah, towards the mall.

Josh: Look, I'm just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming yourself?
Cher: Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are.
Josh: Stop it, you're making me blush.

[arrives at party] So should we do a lap before we commit to a location?

Cher

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Clueless Quotes

Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.

Mel

I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M's and, like, 3 pieces of licorice.

Cher