Christian said he'd call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.


Heather: It's just like Hamlet said, "To thine own self be true."
Cher: Hamlet didn't say that.
Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did.

Cher: Been shopping with Dr. Suess?
Dionne: Well at least I wouldn't skin a collie to make my back pack.
Cher: It's faux.

Okay, so you're probably going, "Is this like a Noxzema commercial or what?" But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl.


Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value.


She could be a farmer in those clothes.


Cher: Ms. Stoger. That machine is just a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Miss Stoger: Thanks for the legal advice.

That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.


Cher: You can't be the absolute and final word on drivers' licenses.
Driving Instructor: Girlie, as far as you're concerned, I am the messiah of the DMV.

Josh: We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree.
Cher: Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees.

Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good.


Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.


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Clueless Quotes

Tai: Do you think she's pretty?
Cher: No, she's a full-on Monet.
Tai: What's a monet?
Cher: It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess. Let's ask a guy. Christian, what do you think of Amber?
Christian: Hagsville.
Cher: See?

Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.