Steve's gotta go drain the sea-monster.

Steve the Pirate

Kate Veatch: That... is a really interesting painting.
White Goodman: Thank you. Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle business. It's a metaphor.
Kate Veatch: I get it.
White Goodman: But that actually happened, though.

Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?

Peter La Fleur: Hang on a second. You wanna become a cheerleader to prove you are not a loser?
Justin: Yeah. Why?
Peter La Fleur: Nothing. High school's changed a bit since I was a kid.

Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Gordon: Average Joe's.
Justin: Right! Dwight, Owen, what are you going to do if Average Joe's closes? You gonna work at the airport again?
Dwight: Say what? I ain't working at no airport!
Justin: No, 'cause you hated it! Steve! Where is it you go to do... whatever it is that you do?
Steve the Pirate: Garrr! Joe's be the only place for Steve!

Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!

Cotton McKnight

You're going down like a sweet muffin!

White Goodman

At Globo Gym we understand that "ugliness" and "fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.

White Goodman

White Goodman: Well, that's it. Good guy wins. Bad guy loses. Big freakin' surprise. That's the problem with the American cinema: Can't handle any complexity. "Whoa! Don't make me think!"

Peter La Fleur: There's someone out there for everybody.
Owen: You think?
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there's two somebodies for one person. I like to call that "the jackpot".

Kate Veatch: I'm not a banker, I'm a lawyer.
Peter La Fleur: Really? What kind of law are you involved in, pretty eyes?
Kate Veatch: Sexual harassment, mostly.

Last I heard, my gym makes money. Yours doesn't. My gym's worth over $4 million. Your gym isn't worth four. I have shareholders. You haven't even got cup holders.

White Goodman

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Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story Quotes

Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman: Oh, you caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.

Here at Globo Gym we're better than you, and we know it.

White Goodman