Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating what should be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus.

Bartleby

Rufus: So what do we do now?
Metatron: Well, I say we get drunk, because I'm all out of ideas.

Rufus: We were sent by Him who is called I Am!
Cardinal Glick: Cute. Really cute. Now come on, kids, playtime with the Cardinal is over.
Rufus: Worked for Moses.

Rufus: I'm telling you, man, this ceremony is a big mistake.
Cardinal Glick: The Catholic Church does not make mistakes.
Rufus: Please. What about the Church's silent consent to the slave trade?
Bethany: And its platform of non-involvement during the Holocaust?
Cardinal Glick: All right, mistakes were made.

You're looking at eons of repression getting purged. If only they'd let us jerk off.

Loki

Quit leering at me. People are gonna think I just broke up with you.

Bartleby

Jay: You know, I hear pregnant women can have sex until their third trimester.
Bethany: I'll keep that in mind.

Very basic strategy. If your enemies know where you are, then don't be there.

Rufus

Bartleby: You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the first commandment. Not only that, I'm afraid not a one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality. Like you, Mr. Burton. Last year cheated on your wife of 17 years eight times. You even had sex with her best friend while you were supposed to be home watching the kids.
Loki: In the bed that you and your wife share, no less!

Loki: I forgot my little voodoo doll. Wow. It really does look just like you. Maybe, if I believed enough...
[pauses, then crushes voodoo doll of Whitland, who is terrified but unharmed]
Loki: I don't believe in voodoo. [leaves, re-enters with a gun] But I do believe in this.

Bethany: So this is all about revenge.
Azrael: After the first couple of million years, no. My only goal was escape, but, surprise surprise, demons can't get into heaven... but angels can.

I know they were just kids, but we kicked their pube-less asses!

Jay

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Dogma Quotes

Gun Salesman: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself. Try it on.
Loki: Well, it's a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it's not nearly as impressive. Just doesn't have that Wrath-of-the-Almighty edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this...
Bartleby: Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Just lay the place to waste, like.
Loki: Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah, I had to do all the work.
Bartleby: What work did you do? You lit a few fires.
Loki: I rained down sulphur, man, there's a subtle difference.
Bartleby: Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
Loki: Hey, you know, fuck you, man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial man. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, outside of soccer.

Bethany: You knew Jesus?
Rufus: Knew him? Shit... Nigga owes me 12 bucks.